Not a good SL

last night before im going to sleep... i laying on the bed and thinking about BAND.
i feel tat im not a good SL... everytime when my members are practising, im going out to play..see...such SL so lazy and irresponssible
evrytime i just know how to say and dunno how to action... everytime also say want band good and think many ways how to let band good but never take action it b4....
i know every members in band also look down on me, they laugh me, they dislike me coz im distubing they practise...even my members also never respect me b4, maybe im not qualify to let them respect also gua..haiz
sometimes i duno why they will choose me as SL, i feel tat my assitance is much more better than me and more suitable to be a SL... haiz
when the time u all need me, but im not beside yours..im very sorry about it.. just can wish yours all the best on pesta music.. dun too pressure and relax to perform it, the important one is use ur heart to enjoy the song, the melody... if u really use the heart to perform, i think ppl will feel it...
dunno what can i say again, just promise u all i will change my bad attitude.... when im back, i will be a good leader and lead our Clarinet section as good as i can.... dun let other say again our section are worst, espacially tat principle... wakaka
eh... u all like friendly style to practise or strickly style?? reply me comment when u all read this... bye